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Behaviour

by Naevus

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1.
It’s too late To be careful now You aped me As I ran to you I couldn't hear you When you looked at me And now you stand behind me When I speak to you You were childish All day long And at night you grow Before my eyes You are older now You dress yourself for bed You drown me in your sheets You choke my wicked mind You ferment me alive To preserve me from The specious child That wants to do us harm I could never allow The trust that you breathe To be betrayed While you sleep I lean away from damp air Into the folds you provide Your breath spills onto your pillow It drugs me What I’m thinking now How could I not mean it? So I will say it aloud While it’s still true I won’t do it again How could I? The way that you sleep How could I?
2.
The human body always caves in on itself When I think about it, it’s like 1979 How far away from that behaviour am I? In air there is nothing, you’re in it, across from me Walls are men hiding And doors are men coming And chairs are men waiting And men are things nothing A deeply felt well rankled by indifference Not turned from but left in suppliant waste Fear of loss of momentum informs everything And stages melt, one into another Walls are men hiding And doors are men coming And chairs are men waiting And men are things nothing
3.
The soft tissue around the anus yields paper-cuts In time with sags and heaves in the next cubicle Must this feed my dreams? Faeces-boy at the wedding, the injurer of Frankfurt To lie alone in the mornings Nailed to the bottom of the pit of opportunity Makes me sad and sore To sit, bedecked, makes me hurry more
4.
Like Arms 07:01
My memory is alive Beneath folds of disease I have exclusive access To its power of release But I cannot use it No matter how I try To break the surface Of everyday life I am looking down At a dirty street I have no place to sit and I have no place to eat Who is responsible for This particular loss? I don’t need hands to know What this chain of events will cost I choose not to foam at the mouth I separated out The rough from the raw And found that there was nothing more So I drank Then I sat in a chair And tried to carve things in the air Where I fell for despair There are undergarments Showing through The glassy waters Of a deep black pool I will fish them out With a wooden stick I will hold them up to The light; they’re sick Historical figures Shudder into view Anonymously They sway in unison They struggle, unaware To meet in ages Is that so bad? The dogs all stop to look I choose not to foam at the mouth I separated out The rough from the raw And found that there was nothing more So I drank Then I sat in a chair And tried to carve things in the air, just over there Where I fell for despair
5.
The Tide 03:59
I conduct my seed I climb on notion or deed I prepare to tear apart My life, a fragile reed I attain the peak I have no right to seek You deserve much than this I am not fit to speak Imbibe the tide that swells inside It was never like this before Hating all I saw The filthy lack of pleasure Made my heart an ugly whore But this is not the same Nothing can be blamed This is not still-life It grows stronger with each day Imbibe the tide that swells inside I decide against But when I turn to face It builds and builds And I cannot deny it has a place It is too late to mend To work I will descend Break the dam and break the bridge Upon which all depends Imbibe the tide that swells inside
6.
Untold 03:14
Sprawled out to the front Your naked body I inject it With unmade decisions Eleven years on What went on? Birthplace, bonny, abroad A lying troubadour It’s an emotional revolution I’m closer to his origin All of this is changing back What went on?
7.
Mistakes 04:07
Walk away in front of me Don’t look at where you’ve been You don’t have the time And there’s no point in wasting mine I don’t want to see you now I don’t need to now I don’t want you to be here I don’t need you near Lie down away from me Lie down and stay there No rain is coming through No rain would need to There’s nothing wrong with you There’s nothing wrong with what I do But things don’t meet, they grate And we ourselves are by mistake
8.
Faint Praise 05:47
I do not miss your urchin hair It was never fit for me But whether by touch or by imitation I let it crawl over me Things were better then because I made clear That I was unable to be wrong I breathed clean air, my arms swam through Unintended, without intention Not understanding what I believed you to be I allowed you to eat into my privacy And having once slipped into this behaviour I was unable to see my error So when the scorn poured down upon me And soaked me through to the core I turned to you, my incapable friends You could not tolerate me clinging there You pushed me into my present direction I pursue it obediently; I find that it’s true To my better nature, which now dictates me And leads me far from you
9.
Was there ever such a perfect time? I am in waste and I hang for it Don’t let me drift from my task I could veer and spill onto my side This is my sickness Sometimes I talk to my own excrement Or size myself up in a mirror I lie down on a surface intended for walking upon And I gorge myself on molecules This is my sickness Don’t come close to me; you don’t need To see the pieces that begrime me In time I will transfer them onto you But, for now, be patient; stay there This is my sickness I will line up and coat with dust Every half-thought and every action Until all content has been obscured My finger died in the woods; its use went This is my sickness
10.
Arrows are alive in some skies No such luck here We have fog and breath Fat is falling out through pores See-sawing down the weave To slide across non-repellent planes To fester out of sight While bowels march Amassed in shitty millions Seasoned, but yet to lie aflake They hover above bus seats A magnetism compels them They need to collide but won’t The grease poured in prevents them They are bagged up for now Saved for later The parent of your cells Wants to make you grateful It will find a grudge of its own To shove into your pipes Lie down amongst pissed-upon newspapers Crane them in, bury them down Plastic and tin will scram at you Count them in, too Eat shit, eat shit Tolerate it, encourage it Need it, ignoring the want Take up shit, stick it in holes Push it round, feed it in and out Plug it through, tease it Make it prickle you Hold it in, right up to your heart
11.
For the Weak 03:43
No light rises from your waters And you, hot mollusc that you are You lay me down beneath them As your mistaken identities jar Your face is contorting as you tell me Of the things that trouble you You live your life in speech and gestures And in the ill-timed rendezvous Passive encouragement Seems to be what you seek Don’t mistake me for a scratching post For the weak How many things do I need To pretend that I don't understand? My assent is not my acquiescence My tiredness is never planned I can always cake my shoes With convenient mud And smile with conceit as I drag them through leaves As I should
12.
A Lesson 03:26
Fed with mint and cheese Loaded with books and downcast amongst them Surrounded by wood or alarms Accompanied by a red jumper By stained teeth gritting out Lined by dark salt supplied hourly This is a lesson to keep in a windy back-place A used process, never fresh Saddened by encroaching brickwork By subsiding pavement The information you have is wrong
13.
Shown 03:07
It’s not yet two days later and I can’t tell if I’m suffering. A weight has been lifted, but a new weight is coming which could become blood in brain, in turn becoming blood in body. I am clinging to something as a train thunders by. The only question I had left has now been answered. But I must remember that this can harm nothing else. That much has been proven beyond doubt. Can anything be said out loud about this? And it would be so loud. It would be so loud. I can’t do it here, but at moments I feel it. Has there been any change? There is worth in too much. Do apologies enter into it? How did doubts re-arise? Or did they ever leave? Perhaps I was pretending. It would be so loud. Am I ever awake to life? I struggle to see through my eyelids. I need to find a way to be ashamed in front of you. To become numb to yearning. To feel guilt more than shame. Trumpets blare at the back of my mind and all that there is is in muddy half-confusion. What will become of us? This is too much to bear and beyond this everything will dissolve. Dissolve.
14.
Waste 06:15
Long will be the passing day Strong will be the urge to stay Resigned to slump beneath the need Designed to incubate the seed Bend beneath The weight, the grief And so control Your goal See in objects’ static lines The moving plan that they refine Read into a body’s needs The intention to deceive The lid you lift Will set you adrift Because your skin Is thin The senses by themselves feel strange And through them you hope to arrange Actions into present facts Activities into real lacks Look: they show The empty flow That runs through The things you do You could be wrong and in which case You should resolve to now displace Effluvium, the rind of dreams To flush it out in uric streams Smell the waste Without distaste It will reveal What you really feel

credits

released June 1, 2002

Lloyd James: voice, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, drums, percussion, keyboard, tape, toilet, glass.
Joanne Owen: bass, glass.
John Murphy: drums (tracks 1, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11 and 13).
Karl Blake: electric guitar (tracks 1, 5 and 10).

Recorded and mixed by Naevus at Wooden Lung, Retina II and Survival studios in London from January to August 2001, except glass sounds in track 1 recorded at Pension Dientzenhofer in Prague in November 2000. Mastered by Hunter Barr at Retina II. Cover painting by Lloyd James.

All material (c) Naevus 2002.

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Naevus London, UK

Lloyd James: voice, guitar. Ben McLees: bass. Hunter Barr: drums. Sam Astley: guitar.

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