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Stations

by Naevus

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1.
I can pretend that it’s possible To know each of my needs To be sure of their exact extent But the body speaks in tongues Caught up in my own cross-drifts Blown wildly off course I can pretend that it’s possible But the body speaks in tongues
2.
Sail Away 04:18
In a different room Having lifted myself from the mess that I’ve made What do I do? I lay myself down as my memory fades And try to remember what I have done But what is the point when that one elusive moment has forever gone? Misery swells into me Perhaps I can eventually Sail away on waves of it Or fail again in spite of it In a different room You pinch at mirrors or test your neck Then what do you do? You lay yourself down in your cold, damp bed And reinforce your broken heart Until you reach the point where you accept that there are waters you will never chart Misery swells into you But you know what you must do Sail against the waves of it Or fail to find the worth in it Please sail with me One single thud Won’t disturb me up into life But I believe that I would Remove the cause of this general strife If I didn’t flinch at the words that I speak If I truly believed that my one consistent failure does not make me weak Misery swells into me Perhaps I can eventually Sail away on waves of it Or fail again in spite of it Misery swells into you But you know what you must do Sail against the waves of it Or fail to find the worth in it
3.
Knee Deep 03:59
Here they come, one by one Wading through the shallows Each one with a tired smile Planted there by his fellows You were ahead of them at one time You were instead of them to my mind But you’ve fallen in to the endless line That winds its way, occupied Knee deep Around the hill then back again In for the kill then slack again The silver pool turns black again As you illustrate your lack again Knee deep You were ahead of them at one time You were instead of them to my mind Knee deep
4.
Every time I see Bread baked upon my knee I recoil at the lie But any time there’ll be A body next to me It will wake and I will smile Making do, I skirt Pools awash with dirt Innocent in despair Then I’m behind you And I’m on top of you I am everywhere The next train will leave An hour before they'll see But I no longer care Because I see my wheat Caked, since torn and leaked Crowning your muddied hair
5.
Time loomed up like an erection Just as those bright bulbs glowed open On what basis was I chosen? How can I now be beholden? Occasion makes me your table I’ll bear the weight if I’m able We try to make time more supple I grip at your legs; mine buckle Can we still counter disaster? Can our question be our answer? Plumbing the depths of the rupture Life in confusion hereafter You crush the facts of your own life And smile over them as they die
6.
The Devil 03:48
On your way home you were falling off kerbs into rubbish bags. In an alley, a sign was flapping at the rain with a man in a Bonaparte hat. A false alibi was created, based upon an old, exposed template, with one eye open in an affectation of wisdom. It’s hard to tell from a small sample. For example, it’s impossible to tell how or if things will tie up with previous or later events. Take a seat or have a piss Then I’ll tell you what the issue is Take a look at what you missed Who could want more than this? Your cough echoed up the back stairs like a gunshot while the soft oven of your brain described it. A big pie full of leeches. Great big hat full of weeds. A dirty great row of bags, all full of possessions. You cut a rat up to find out how it works. Neeps and tatties. You left your phone downstairs. It hasn’t worked so far, but there’s still enough time. Take a seat or have a piss Then I’ll tell you who the devil is Eaten up by artifice There really is no more than this Tin-pots rattle as the man-trap whacks you over the shoulder. Forget it. Cancer is bad today and an onion was used to spot greed. It’s like shouting into a Johnny. As dreams prove, identity and characteristics are not connected. For example, gap-eyed monsters in a holiday stable. Don’t try to account for it if it never actually happened.
7.
Our lives are locomotive To the liberation traitors The petty task of ‘greatness’ Estranged from the urban Education has risen And transformed our impressions The dominant teach heroism To imply a greater sphere The universal is replaced With a greater assembly And culture sinks into The talent of the city The modern proletariat Make poor art They want democratic accomplishment But time has passed them by
8.
Forgotten episodes penetrate sleep For a long time after the fact And dreams will stalk the subsequent day For even longer than that The situations of your dreams Will probably be forgotten But the characters that your brain describes Will creep into all that will happen And recovery is not permitted You’ll list things in an important order When your observations appear To be erroneously meditative To be shrinking and unclear There is a sequence to be found But it doesn’t mean anything It lies in wait for membership For the substance that you could bring But recovery is not permitted It doesn’t even form a language You’ll stumble across it soon A sharp pain in your ankle And you think you’ll be over it soon But recovery is not permitted
9.
He comes humped up in slow chugs With no regard for your last question Stuffed all up with sad, snotty chunks That’s no way to fill you in on any position Bundles himself off to the loo Then bundles back to the bed That he’s warmed forthwith and while he blub No, he don’t know what’s been said
10.
Ramar House 04:03
Converted ground floor flat Northern voice seems to be Coming out of a guitar Did this become known later? Tall toilet room Remnants of a German mathematician Stuck to the wall Don’t open the curtains I might go to the petrol station later Blue carrier bag Of broken glass and leaked red wine Why didn’t you go back and get some more? Play it slower It smashed on the floor in the phone box Try putting the flanger on the amp His pod is burning up Don’t go to the door The coffee slops on the table You’ll damage your throat But that was later Ramar House
11.
He was lying asleep on the riverbank When they took away his clothes So he was compelled to walk home naked Along the open road That was when they set their dogs on him And though he tried to run They left him face-down in the hedge Blistering in the sun When he came to in the evening Some lout was trying to bugger him He deftly threw the lout aside And with hands alone he smothered him He resumed his walk along the road But did not get very far As in the dark of that summer night He was mown down by a car There is no moral to this story And nor should you think that there should be And, furthermore, de Sade was wrong Just as he intended to be Sometimes bad defeats the good But more often defeats the indifferent And the fact is that this innocent man Was not even existent
12.
Events 07:48
Why do you listen so intently at that door? Do you hope to hear a sound from beyond it That will indicate to you That there is a chance That blame could be apportioned to Someone other than yourself? Listen to me for a moment I intend to make you understand That the fault is yours entirely But also that This is not the whole story Events, yes, there’s more, events Will conspire against you No matter what you do Some would say That there is no point in trying to control Or even to contribute to them But I do not agree Everything has an effect We can alter the conspiracy Repeatedly and relentlessly Changing events at every moment Still, they remain a mess I hope that this address Has been of some benefit To you
13.
Sunshine 02:53
Help him live twice In sunshine In stranding cloud When fetters went Cars were rolling Roads were well-designed And circular In sunshine A natural conclusion To a natural decision Taken on appearance only All was well and good Taken on appearance All is well and good An open passage In sunshine Left or learned or thrown behind In sunshine Footsteps slow In sunshine Cars are rolling In sunshine Trial without error In sunshine
14.
Larvicide 05:03
A boy found playing with fire Was by his father rejected So into the woods one day With his sibling he was ejected Whilst walking along with his sister He gave in to his bestial needs He drank of stagnant water Consuming ordure and disease He kept her in the woods Which awakened the interest of men They removed her to their house And happily he joined with them But a girl took the sister away Leaving the men bereft And so it was quickly arranged That the girl should be put to death They threw stones at her body They threw stones at her head And they left her corpse in the woods And the boy took his sister to bed
15.
The Beast 05:17
All of the young women Have retired for the day Their fathers have been posted Somewhere very far away The young men in the garden Are on permanent display And the winter days are growing ever shorter Fifteen worried mothers Are queuing at a door They all heard the rumours And would like to hear some more About the Beast seen shuffling Across the forest floor And the interest he expresses in their daughters Oh, Doctor, Doctor I cannot see my eyes Oh, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor I do not know my mind And until I thought about it I was doing fine The drunken village doctor Is stumbling in the street With his hands inside his trousers He says “I’d like to meet The gentleman suggesting That I stay off my feet” As he plunges head-first into the gutter The priest is peeping eagerly Between the painted slats Of the fence around the playground Saying, “One day all these brats Will more mourn the loss Of religion and retail; that’s a fact” As he notes down the obscenities they utter Oh, Doctor, Doctor I cannot see my eyes Oh, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor I do not know my mind And until I thought about it I was doing fine The grocer fills his shelves To mirror fashionable memes The butcher draws conclusions Based on geometric themes The baker deconstructs The premise of his custard creams And the author tips his hat to television The programmer is playing With his new-found cup-and-ball The architect is action-painting Onto fallen walls The analyst is crawling From the rubble of it all Whilst the draughtsman dribbles onto his new crayon Oh, Doctor, Doctor I cannot see my eyes Oh, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor I do not know my mind And until I thought about it I was doing fine The engineer was wondering What he had left to make Until deciding that design Should be for its own sake And that all technology Should now be built to break As he steps over the letters in the hallway The toast of Tin Pan Alley Has sadly been reduced To taking on commissions For TV game show tunes And to working up a jingle For a tropical fruit juice And his pseudonym’s been compromised by blackmail Oh, Doctor, Doctor I cannot see my eyes Oh, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor I do not know my mind And until I thought about it I was doing fine Sitting on the mountaintop The Beast is in despair His shoes don't fit his cloven feet He’s losing all his hair And there’s no-one left that thinks That they could even get a fair price For the soul that they’ve neglected The Beast shouts from the mountain “The problem with you folk Is that you think that pleasure Has become some kind of joke” And puffing on his Marlboro He starts to cough and choke “There was a time when evil was respected!” Oh, Doctor, Doctor I cannot see my eyes Oh, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor I do not know my mind And until I thought about it I was doing fine “Once holding hands in supermarkets Suited all you people Now you congregate in packs And throw your faeces at the steeple Of the lonely local church That stands decrepit and enfeebled As you cavort around the prophylactic graveyard The spirit of free enterprise Has eaten up the past The eagle of the fatherland Now sits upon the mast Of the ship of idiots sailing At the shadow of the past That leers from the horizon like a retard” Oh, Doctor, Doctor I cannot see my eyes Oh, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor I do not know my mind And until I thought about it I was doing fine
16.
Stations 04:37
The hotel sign is smashed And your trousers are covered in ash As you watch the settling of water And the scabs on your hands Are not part of your higher plan And you wish that this stage would be over Oh no Leave it all alone Nothing is gained through rumination But consider the gaps That this life always lacks How can we ever find our station? Our true station Our one true station The knots in the wood Resemble eyes more than they should As you wonder again at your health And you consider again Whether making your claim Should be done via honesty or by stealth Oh no Leave it all alone Nothing is gained through rumination But consider the gaps That this life always lacks How can we ever find our station? Our stationary station Our one true station The gains that are lost The depth of the cost Can never be properly evaluated The height from which you fell The sweetness of the smell Will never again be recreated Oh no Leave it all alone Nothing is gained through rumination But consider the gaps That this life always lacks How can we ever find our station? Our stationary station Our complimentary station Our one true station
17.
Pinched in at the middle Her small frame smiled out But lost in suspicion I failed to grasp it Her word was an umbrella It had me on its point Her stroke was euthanasia It swept me up in its charity My helpers came I didn't recognise them They gathered about me I shrugged them all off Your sides are splitting As you fall to the floor I summarise my hatreds And leave I cloud over And feel with the edges of my hands The beige kernel The man-made husk Chafing all around me It funnels me out And sorely I’m let Reeling As I spit through the mists I know that you fall away You’re watching me punish My body for its own issue I want you to look At my back as I walk I want you to know The crook of my knees I don’t want to turn I don’t want to face you Because I know if I turn Then I will turn on you And this was a haven And this was a lie The hangings were yellow And small in my life And I don’t like to think this And I don’t want to say And I’ll wrap it in something And I’ll send it away And it will be received By a poor, distant fool Who will wrap it all up With weak, weak lies
18.
It’s too late To be careful now You aped me As I ran to you I couldn't hear you When you looked at me And now you stand behind me When I speak to you You were childish All day long And at night you grow Before my eyes You are older now You dress yourself for bed You drown me in your sheets You choke my wicked mind You ferment me alive To preserve me from The specious child That wants to do us harm I could never allow The trust that you breathe To be betrayed While you sleep I lean away from damp air Into the folds you provide Your breath spills onto your pillow It drugs me What I’m thinking now How could I not mean it? So I will say it aloud While it’s still true I won’t do it again How could I? The way that you sleep How could I?
19.
Your happy fruits bore seeds of sorrow And planted with regret An orchard waiting on the morrow More fruit to beget A year I spent in tending That sour little crop And though my back was bending It sweetened not a drop Passing through the avenues Of the dearly-new deceased A draught brewed in sickness I led you thence come springtime The way was coarse and crooked The salty fruit you found sublime And knew your heart be wicked I see you waiting at the threshold Your movement is but slight Making summons with your blindfold Blot the cry of light Passing through the avenues Of the dearly-new deceased A draught brewed in sickness
20.
Walk away in front of me Don’t look at where you’ve been You don’t have the time And there’s no point in wasting mine I don’t want to see you now I don’t need to now I don’t want you to be here I don’t need you near Lie down away from me Lie down and stay there No rain is coming through No rain would need to There’s nothing wrong with you There’s nothing wrong with what I do But things don’t meet, they grate And we ourselves are by mistake
21.
The soft tissue around the anus yields paper-cuts In time with sags and heaves in the next cubicle Must this feed my dreams? Faeces-boy at the wedding, the injurer of Frankfurt To lie alone in the mornings Nailed to the bottom of the pit of opportunity Makes me sad and sore To sit, bedecked, makes me hurry more
22.
Oracle, let the chicken live If he may leave his short career If he will not interfere Oracle, let the chicken live If this world is a patient place If he will owe you not for this grace Oracle, let the chicken live Oracle, let the chicken live If his weight will not be too much If his pain will not be seen as such Oracle, let the chicken live If this world will not resent If there is nothing he must represent Oracle, let the chicken live Oracle, let the chicken live If this world is worth more than he If to kill him leaves him to me Oracle, let the chicken live
23.
Sprawled out to the front Your naked body I inject it With unmade decisions Eleven years on What went on? Birthplace, bonny, abroad A lying troubadour It’s an emotional revolution I’m closer to his origin All of this is changing back What went on?
24.
I can pretend that it’s possible To know each of my needs To be sure of their exact extent But the body speaks in tongues Caught up in my own cross-drifts Blown wildly off course I can pretend that it’s possible But the body speaks in tongues
25.
On my way to die I laughed on the only breast Alight with no continence Nothing grown or known How cool the breeze that licked my arms! How quick my step! Trees that lived in autumn winds Wilting through my mind My limbs were hanging wilfully Unfastened from that page Curled into and yet away From the animal breath On my way to die I laughed on the only breast Never was there message Only was there fact A different kind of diagram Sealed with exclusion Now support my need Living uncontained My form, it leaks all kinds of things I scent every lack To pride and to origin I once again repair To leaves and to earth In some traditional sense Never was there message Only was there fact But no, remember
26.
Grip at an object with your eye Try to bring it into your mind Then fail to act Maintaining your absence from the world Choose your lessons from life Simmer but don’t boil Observe a procession of documented hardship Then don’t look Watch a hand placed on a load Watch the load swell to constraint Make a scruffy handbook Then watch a sheet lie empty as it should Grip at an object with your eye Try to bring it into your mind Then fail to act Maintaining your absence from the world
27.
Don’t listen to me It will happen all over again Don’t listen to me It will happen all over again Like a little breeze Like a pleasant disease Don’t listen to me The world’s gone angry Don’t listen to me It’s that bad taste again That old, familiar smell That little glimpse of Hell The only thing for you to do Is to kill your friends Kill your friends Kill your friends, kill your friends Kill your friends Don’t listen to me I will only let you down Don’t listen to me I will only let you down Like a small statuette Of Marie Antoinette The only thing left for you to do Is to kill your friends Kill your friends Kill your friends, kill your friends Kill your friends Kill all of your friends Kill all of your friends Kill all of your friends Kill your friends, kill your friends
28.
The human body always caves in on itself When I think about it, it’s like 1979 How far away from that behaviour am I? In air there is nothing, you’re in it, across from me Walls are men hiding And doors are men coming And chairs are men waiting And men are things nothing A deeply felt well rankled by indifference Not turned from but left in suppliant waste Fear of loss of momentum informs everything And stages melt, one into another Walls are men hiding And doors are men coming And chairs are men waiting And men are things nothing
29.
The trees are a crust on his vision now The road, a distant harm below him now Replica whitewash stands in sheets Everything accounted for Having hoped for Algerian loneliness Nothing is now left His shoulders yearn for skirting board As his skin shrinks from carpet Cubism lingers in the walls As testicles bang in jeans He hates red brick chimneys wearing clay hats And all other practical error His head full of stacked furniture An indoor mountaineer He sits up dead in the fuelled air Legs hope to hit energy Cubism lingers in the walls As testicles bang in jeans He hates red brick chimneys wearing clay hats And all other practical error
30.
I was born In a leper colony Fumbled out under the hill But benches were the birthplace Of all that carried me And they need persuasion still Gone with dumb escape Reaping curious flesh I touch what once was mine Sheer and shining sheen Of drips – how frozen! Constrict for the last time What has been Denied to me this night? Probably my own energy Because I have tried So many times to fight My senses will not obey me Consciousness is wrong And sleep my enemy Both tempt me to release If you have teeth then you Had better show them now And end my disbelief Puff-puff go the bricks and mortar Fumes, they lure me With every fresh collapse Get it done, get it done! Hinder, hinder, hinder! Twisted, tangled, perhaps
31.
Once, I caught an eel as it fed On smaller creatures rising up from silty, brown-grey mud Its sharp, spasmodic movements had caught my eye I watched it as it twisted in my bare, young hand I considered whether it belonged in water or on land I returned it to the river; it swam away But you know what it looks like You know what it smells like You know what it feels like Go grow My cups of plenty always were abrim With gifts that I would never give to her or to him I was always ready to resent or to retire Now medicated gum clots the streets And disregarded fun sticks to the soles of my feet And some of the buildings around me are on fire But you know what it looks like You know what it smells like You know what it feels like Go grow
32.
A morsel of fresh earth upon the lips of the dead Which stimulates and yet eludes my fear Is placed with care and comfort as I occupy this bed And everything around is far and near I’m earnest in disease I celebrate my needs You’re seeking to assist In things that will be noticed Mistakes are made that life is what I should be reaching for Such thoughts dissolve into the earth But earth and dirt and soil and soil alike may share rapport And illness and its stillness give me birth I’m earnest in disease I celebrate my needs You’re seeking to make clear The things that bring me fear As pleasant as the blood which springs from unattended wounds Your words revive my needs as I unfold My body out upon the slab with such a graceful swoon To still my beating heart, to make it bold I’m earnest in disease I celebrate my needs You’re seeking to assist In things that will be noticed The earth, I feel it surge and swell itself without these walls And find my body lying in the garden And further still, into the earth, but back there in the hall You move and movements always are forgotten I’m earnest in disease I celebrate my needs You’re seeking to make clear The things that bring me fear

about

This compilation collects all of the officially released Naevus recordings from 2001 to 2013 that are not available on a current edition of a Naevus CD album, with the exception of 'The Mill'; the version included here was the first song performed at the first ever Naevus live performance. Also included are some previously unreleased tracks; 'Sunshine' was intended for a split 7" single that never saw the light of day; the solo acoustic versions of 'Chairs are Men' and 'Clay Hats' were briefly streamed online; and the title track, 'Stations', is a new song appearing for the first time. Many thanks to the various contributing musicians, and to the labels that facilitated the release of these recordings.

credits

released August 18, 2013

Cover painting by Lloyd James ('Pressures', acrylic on canvas, May 21st 1995).
All material (c)1999 to 2013 Naevus.

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Naevus London, UK

Lloyd James: voice, guitar. Ben McLees: bass. Hunter Barr: drums. Sam Astley: guitar.

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